I still look into you blue eyes, eyes that seem like the ocean
So wide, so deep; I feel lost in them
The silence of your lips, the soft sigh of your breath
The touch of your hand; the touch I have longed for
I see you smile, the iced wall of your heart crack
Like a dam that cannot hold back the flow
The flow of your emotions
Reverberations in your soul
I see you smile; the sparkle in your eyes
So happy, so happy, you look so happy
I see your pain fading, slowly receeding
As peace creeps in,I see the war settle
The war in your heart is ending
Is joy on its way? Is happiness coming?
Forgive me, me beloved
Should I not know? Why must I ask?
I must feel it in my heart. Is it not?
You look so beautiful when you smile.
Everytime I close my eyes, I see your smiling face.
You carry me to the Seventh Heaven; to the brightest star.
My song is carried by the wind.
I know there is not greater joy; no greater ecstasy.
When I see you smile.
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(*Note* In helping my own and the reader’s study and understanding, I will now have a pasted version of the poem in question with personal notes and corrections I felt were necessary. Brackets “[]” containing letters mean that a letter should be added, while blank brackets denote deleted letters. Words in Bold are my notes in looking for repetition of words in close proximity. Underlined words are my notes concerning rhyming words, or similarities in sound.)
I still look into you[r] blue eyes, eyes that seem like the ocean
So wide, so deep; I feel lost in them
The silence of your lips, the soft sigh of your breath
The touch of your hand; the touch I have longed for
I SEE YOU SMILE, the iced wall of your heart crack[s]
Like a dam that cannot hold back the flow
The flow of your emotions
Reverberations in your soul
I SEE YOU SMILE; the sparkle in your eyes
So happy, so happy, you look so happy
I see your pain fading, slowly receding
As peace creeps in, I see the war settle
The war in your heart is ending
Is joy on its way? Is happiness coming?
Forgive me, m[y] beloved
Should I not know? Why must I ask?
I must feel it in my heart. Is it not?
You look so beautiful when you smile.
Every time I close my eyes, I see your smiling face.
You carry me to the Seventh Heaven; to the brightest star.
My song is carried by the wind.
I know there is no[] greater joy; no greater ecstasy.
When I see you smile.
This poem begins with the narrator introducing the features of another. The narrator discusses the eyes, the lips, breath, and hands of the other person, the object of the poem. By doing this, the reader is made aware of how attached and interested the narrator is of the poem’s object. Paying close attention to the vastness of the eyes, the silence of the lips and the sigh of the breath are all indications that the one speaking is highly invested in the person they are talking about. The touching of the hands leads the reader into understanding that the narrator has wanted to do so for a long time, implying previous distance between the two. And it is when the narrator sees the object of the poem smile, it is then that the reader begins to understand the emotional obstacle that once existed.
Immediately after saying that, it is then said that there is a wall of ice that begins to break that once covered the heart of the poem’s object. “Ice” the substance is generally used as a metaphor for emotional coldness, and based upon the universal nature of that image; ice encasing a heart, it is not difficult to relate it to that. This is then supported by the next image of a dam that could not hold back a powerful force; the flow of emotions. So yes, it can be visibly understood from the imagery and their connection to the object of the poem that the obstacle that once stood between the narrator and the person was emotional.
It is when the narrator sees the person smile, that the narrator understands the shift in personality. Very bluntly the narrator states how happy the person appears. Any of the chaos that was once inhabiting this person is leaving, and a calm that allows happiness to enter begins. The narrator uses the term ‘war’ to describe the inner conflict that was. And while the narrator would judge all this by the appearance of the other person, there is some doubt. The narrator asks if happiness is truly coming, and then quickly recoils feeling that perhaps they should not ask. Or perhaps, the narrator feels that she/he should be able to understand exactly how the other feels without asking.
“Is joy on its way? Is happiness coming?
Forgive me, m[y] beloved
Should I not know? Why must I ask?
I must feel it in my heart. Is it not?”
I do find this passage a bit cryptic, and my understanding may be imperfect. As I said, I would like to believe that the narrator feels obligated to figure out how the other person truly feels without asking. Yet I had a hard time understanding the last sentence, “Is it not?” I would assume that that is one last question, that despite the narrator’s belief in not asking, the narrator is too paranoid by the chance that happiness may not be fully on the way.
The narrator then ends the poem with merely expressing his/her sentiments towards the other person, stating how much joy is felt when witnessing him/her smile. This is further expressed by how the narrator can see the other person smiling, even with eyes closed. A reference is then made to the “Seventh Heaven”, a phrase referring to the highest pinnacle of bliss. The object of the poem, this significant other is capable of giving such bliss to the narrator, and also takes them to a “the brightest star”, another phrase that we could assume that has similar meaning as the Seventh Heaven. Then the narrator mentions how his/her song is carried by the wind. I found this to be confusing, as up to this point, there had been no mentioning of singing. One could assume that this whole poem was meant as a song by the narrator, and that the narrator’s singing is given strength by the poem’s object. However I feel that this is too much to conjecture, this is either an unnecessary line, or better to say, a line that needs more explanation to have more meaning. Finally, the narrator closes with saying how that there is no greater joy and pleasure to witness the joy and tranquility the poem’s object.
Now, I would like to first discuss the rhythmic scheme. I felt that there was an attempt at rhythm which I noted above. I felt that the repetition of certain words, and combining like sounding words together gave a smoother roll for the progress of the poem. However, I didn’t see enough variety. I really felt that lines 9-10, especially; “So happy, so happy, you look so happy/I see your pain fading, slowly receeding…” lacked a lot of power. This poem’s power was that it was easily understood, the narrator was very blunt, and I had little difficulty in understanding what was going on. However, there were some sentences that left me puzzled, and I noted those earlier.
To go back, my biggest problem with this poem is that it began with some good sentiment in the beginning, making use of metaphors that were easily understood and that added to the reader’s enjoyment. However, halfway through the poem, at lines 9 and 10 I would say, the sentiment while kept the same is hurt by the stripped imagery and a lack of flow. I felt that a lot of the time the same ideas that had just been stated were being repeated, but without any beauty involved. In poetry, I believe, repetition can be used to give the purpose of the poem a resonating feel. By repeating certain images or ideas, the narrator can create a hook, like in a song that has a repeating chorus, and it becomes both pleasurable and more meaningful to the reader as they read. In this poem I felt the image of the narrator seeing someone smile was repeated often, but didn’t have any affect on me. The narrator simply said that the smiling suggested happiness, and that in turn gave the narrator happiness. And if that’s the case, then there is either a lack of subject or detail. It has to be considered what can be said about another person smiling that can affect someone else who loves that person. I did however, think that in the beginning of the poem, in lines 3 and 4, that the physical appearance of someone smiling were being conveyed quit nicely.
And that then leads me to repeat myself, I felt that the imagery and rhythm in the beginning of the poem was good, but was harmed with uninteresting repletion later on. And while the narrator did talk about their curiosity of what is happening to the other person, I felt that there was not enough detail or imagery to keep the reader focused on that subject. Also, while I did see poetic rhythm being employed, I did not find that to be adequate either. Like music, when words rhyme or share similar pronunciations, this can lead to a flow for the reader. Certain ideas or emotions can be heightened by such things. The most common is a rhyming couplet, which is merely two lines of verse that each end with word that rhymes. Here’s a perfect example from scene 1, Act 2 from Shakespeare’s Macbeth,
I go, and it is done; the bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven, or to hell.
Macbeth, scene I
By the way, ‘knell’ is the sound of a bell striking. The power of those last two lines is given by there similar sounding nature. The word ‘hell’ seems to become magnified by the recent use of the word ‘knell’. Now, I am not suggesting you do this in your poetry, but I do believe that words contain ideas. And ideas are best delivered through a easy flowing language. I felt that your use of similar words in the interior of your lines to be a good start, but I wasn’t able to grasp any beauty from them.
In terms of this poem, I cannot say that I disliked it. It had some good points, and I did enjoy some of the imagery. I especially like the paranoia being presented by the narrator, I felt that could be a good side-plot to what was at first a straight up love poem. I just think that to have made this poem more meaningful, the writer should have developed more about the emotions of the narrator to give the reader a better interest in what is being discussed.
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