The songbird,
With feathers of gold and wings of steel
Eyes of emralds, forever looking either way
And...
A voice..of divine bliss
One no angel can ever recreate...
The songbird's music...a gateway to peace..a boat to the river of soft sleep
A voice that is entwined with the wind....that makes the leaves dance...
"Angels of mine, let me thank you,
You have saved me time and time again
Angel, I must confess it's you that gives me strength
And I don't know where I'd be without you."
A few words from the reverberating crystal song...that shines its way through the dark silence of the forest.
How I love this song...How I wish to forever listen...
That's why I wait here, songbird
By this lonely glade everyday...
To see you..to smile at you..and tell you how much I love you.....
I'll wait, songbird..till when you hear my heart
And come to me..to carry me on your wings..
Away, Away, Away.....
2 comments:
realli gud work re.........keep it up.....i m realli impressd!
In this poem the narrator begins by describing “the songbird”, a beast that immediately invokes mythical connotations when given the extravagant descriptions of having precious metals and gems composing it’s body. I would say that such descriptions are meant to develop the “songbird” as creature of unique importance, like a phoenix or simourgh
The narrator then goes on to relate how powerful the song of the songbird is. Apparently this bird’s song may engender tranquility and a rather superb metaphor is used to describe it’s power as “a boat to the river of soft sleep.” This voice itself is only described as “divine bliss”; reinforcing the mythical beast image, and being entwined with the wind and may make the leaves themselves move. An association with supernatural power perhaps.
Now I had some confusion at the point of dialogue. I am uncertain of who is talking. Necessarily, I assume it is the Songbird that is speaking, or rather singing it’s gratitude towards the angels. Earlier in the poem (line 6) it is stated how no angel could ever recreate the song of the Songbird. Here however, it would seem that the Songbird owes it’s skill or power to the angels. However, I felt that the narrator shifted from “Angels” to “Angel” inappropriately. This ruined the flow of what was already a cryptic dialogue. Is it the Songbird that is speaking/singing? If so, it is singing of how it feels towards either Angels or an Angel, which one? Those are specifics that need to be addressed for reader comprehension.
Afterwards it is stated how the narrator hears this song come from the forest and why she/he waits for the Songbird to hear her/his own heart. The narrator is enamored with the Songbird and desperately desires to be taken away upon the wings of this creature.
Now, I felt that the setting and idea behind this poem is appealing; the desperate wish to escape from a mundane world upon the wings of a fantastic beast. Yet I feel that this poem was too vague at certain points and great deal of more description could have been used. Also, I don’t feel that it was a straight up poem. I think this was more of an attempt at prose poetry, which is as fine as anything else, but the way it was written was as if it was poetry. My own personal opinion is that poetry in defined forms according to rules on sound and meter. These rules can be created on the spur of the moment by the writer. However, I feel it is a waster to put prose into poetic-line style in an attempt to garner the power a poem may have. The way this was written was not, it was prose. But as I said, nothing is wrong with that. If this is meant to be poetry, then there are defined reasons why words and sentences are broken up they way they are. The structure of this writing to contribute to the reader’s enjoyment, and the use of “…” actually makes it a little tedious.
I would like to say that I understand the direction of the poem, but I feel it would be better off if rewritten in a style not dependent upon the poetic line-stanza scheme. If you would allow me to say, simply write it. Don’t think about grammatical things like “…” or about skipping lines. A paragraph composed simply of extended description, I think could enhance the effect of this poem.
Otherwise I did think this was alright, but it would certainly need a revisit by the author to get to where it should.
Post a Comment