those cold cerulean eyes, so painless
or so it seems.
i look at him across the study table, deeply absorbed in the book
strangely, tears well in my eyes.
he has suffered and he refuses to be wounded again
his heart is closed to the world
desperate and helpless, i stare into the dark void of oblivion
so dark and empty
"i don't need anybody" so familiar from his lips, yet so alien to his heart
why won't you let me love you?
why won't you let me heal your wounds?
i cannot hurt you, cannot stab you
i have lost myself and there is no map that can lead me back
unshed tears no longer glimmer in his eyes
he does not feel sadness, only empty
looking at him, i curse my life for never making me suffer
i cannot feel his anguish, cannot share his pain
cannot tell him a single word of comfort
Forgive me, my love
i am cruel and selfish, never to have been hurt while
the blood flows from your wounded heart
once again, his name escapes my lips, i long to say the name with love
his name i have spoken, "seto"
his brown hair bounces as he looks at me
those cold , frigid eyes that shield him from more pain
"what is it?" he asks
I stare,
what is there to say?
the person, referred to as "he" in this poem is seto kaiba, a character from the anime yu-gi-oh. i know it's weird but ever since i've seen him i can't get him out of my head.
2 comments:
Hi, this is Arysuh from the Alexiel & Lucifer fanlisting. I can't add you if you don't give an e-mail. :)
seto
those cold cerulean eyes, so painless
or so it seems.
The narrator begins with suggesting that the object of the poem; Seto, would only seem cold and without pain. While the narrator studies the cold exterior of Seto, yet growing aware of his secret inner pain, the narrator becomes sad.
i look at him across the study table, deeply absorbed in the book
strangely, tears well in my eyes.
he has suffered and he refuses to be wounded again
his heart is closed to the world
The narrator is realizing how much Seto has gone through, and due to his tragic past he has grown disdainful of the world and set up emotional barriers to keep himself safe.
desperate and helpless, i stare into the dark void of oblivion
so dark and empty
"i don't need anybody" so familiar from his lips, yet so alien to his heart
why won't you let me love you?
The narrator feels that Seto presents himself as emotionally cold, describing “his heart is closed to the world… I stare into the dark void of oblivion…”, and this in turns gives a sense of pain to the narrator who is puzzled by him, and wishes he would let himself be loved by the narrator.
why won't you let me heal your wounds?
i cannot hurt you, cannot stab you
i have lost myself and there is no map that can lead me back
unshed tears no longer glimmer in his eyes
he does not feel sadness, only empty
The narrator asks why he/she cannot be allowed to help him, then states how he/she would be incapable of hurting him. Cryptically, the narrator states how, “i have lost myself and there is no map that can lead me back”, which would imply, for my own understanding, that the narrator has given up worrying about his/her self, has sacrificed the ego and seeks only to help someone else feel better. Then the narrator goes on to discuss tears Seto refused to shed no longer well in his eyes, and that now he does not simply refuse to show his emotions but has even suppressed them to non-existence.
looking at him, i curse my life for never making me suffer
i cannot feel his anguish, cannot share his pain
cannot tell him a single word of comfort
Forgive me, my love
i am cruel and selfish, never to have been hurt while
the blood flows from your wounded heart
The narrator then relates that because she has never suffered as much as Seto, she herself cannot offer him any support. She has compassion for him, but her empathy is restricted by her experiences. The narrator would seem to be despising herself, using the words ‘cruel’ and ‘selfish’ as self-description, and only because she is aware that Seto has suffered so much more than she.
once again, his name escapes my lips, i long to say the name with love
his name i have spoken, "seto"
his brown hair bounces as he looks at me
those cold , frigid eyes that shield him from more pain
"what is it?" he asks
I stare,
what is there to say?
The narrator, it would seem, speaks the name “Seto” on an impulse. This part comes off to me as an accident, almost. It would seem to me the narrator is so absorbed mentally over Seto, that she without thinking, speaks his name in the sub-conscious desire to be closer to him. Seto then gives attention to the narrator, showing again the cold eyes that the narrator began discussing the poem with. I assume that these eyes are the hallmark of the cold and passionless nature of this Seto, which could then be said to be the theme of the poem: numbness to inner pain, being typified in a man who has buried his emotional pain. The blue eyes are symbolic of this and the narrators fascination with Seto. The eyes, while cold are beautiful, alluring the narrator to be fascinated with Seto.
Seto responds to the narrator, who would now seem to be at a loss for words. The final line, “what is there to say?” would suggest that all that could be said, has already been thought of by the narrator in the previous poem. And the thoughts of the narrator, can have no impact on Seto, because he is emotionless and distanced from others. So that is that, the narrator knows as much as can be known of a man who is as he appears. And by realizing that, there is little to be said, knowing that he has suffered and will always be out of reach of one who has not felt similar.
My old complaints concerning rhyme and rhythym that I’ve had with your other poems still stand, and my fist read through it made me feel that it was lacking. However, while reading through it as I wrote my analysis I began to understand the simplistic power of it. Given deeper reading, there is a lot going on this poem. The narrator is obsessed with Seto because Seto is symbolic, of beauty within torment. Which by the way, I’m starting to see as a constant motif in your other works, the idea of the beautiful things suffering. Seto is this unapproachable being, for one he possesses physical beauty, but it is his emotional depth enchants the narrator, and the reader as I soon gave way to. I am familiar with the character of Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh, and though I never gave him much consideration, I can say that this poem gives an interesting light to him.
My whole fascination with this poem now is that it’s made me realize that people are prone to become enamored with the suffering of others because it invokes both pity and mystery. What is Seto? What does he think and feel? We’ll never know… Those are the questions and thoughts that this poem conjures, but it does not simply have to be limited to Seto Kaiba. When I consider it, there have been multiple instances in my life when I’ve met Seto Kaiba’s, people that I am intrigued by due to their tragic lives. This fascination people are prone to is a mix, I believe, between the pity and the morbid interest of horror. We feel bad for those who suffer, and yet are amazed by what tragedy does to their personality, what kind of people they become.
I really do believe that after reading through more and more of your poems, I can see a strength you have for conveying real human experience or messages. While this one is much older, it shares a relationship with “Untitled, I don’t know what to call this”, “The Angels Fly By” and the unnamed poem beginning:
“Sparkling sunlight;
Beautiful and fresh, the begining of the world; the threshold of creation
O beloved Goddess; you dance to the song of joy”
I may be taking risk here, but from reading these I feel that they share the motif of suffering, and then the difficult quest to understand and reason with such pain. “Seto” would be, I believe, similar to the character that the narrator in “Untitled” discusses. While the other two poems, presenting resentful narrators for their suffering, could be themselves different incarnations of Seto.
You made a specific notation at the end of the poem how Seto interests, and I think it could be because he presents a personality you find interesting to write and discuss about. I don’t want you think I’m psychiatrically analyzing you or something, but I do feel that after reading this much of your work, there is a certain specific motivation to it all. Which is certainly not a bad thing, I actually like it. It shows a direction in your work, and I think I’ll be comparing and contrasting more of your work in the future to distinguish that.
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