The angels fly by,Silver robes and sparkling wings
They sing “Fly, fly, fly.”
Yet I am bound to the hard cold ground
With chains of despair and emptiness
Walls of rotting affections and decaying desire
They hold me back, keeping me away from the bright sunlight that would dry up the blood
Why have you left? For you selfish pursuits
You call it “Salvation”
You call it “Enlightenment”
I call it “Foolishness.”
You were always naïve and stupid
Thinking that the world was pure and true.
And yet, it seemed so perfect when you were with me.
No pain, no despair, no tears.
What spell did you cast?
Was it your innocence that led me to believe?
Believe that I was not cursed?
I am forever a messenger of hell,
Forever hated, forever feared.
Then……why did you not scream at my monstrous visage?
DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU!
ROT IN HELL FOR MAKING ME BELIEVE!
I did not ask for happiness, yet it came.
And now I now the pain of losing all that I have.
I fall to my knees and beg of you.
Return to me, for I cannot go on.
There is nothing left, nothing to go on with.
As I strangle every drop of my heart’s blood and pray
“Return to me, so that I may kill you.”
1 comment:
This poem begins with a preliminary vision of tranquility. A rather beautiful image given descriptions like ‘silver’ and ‘sparkling’ decorate the angelic introduction. Yet this gentle tone of narration seems to end as abruptly as the image when the narrator introduces the images of being imprisoned ‘with chains of despair and emptiness’ upon ‘cold hard ground’. Words like ‘rotting’ and ‘decaying’ provide affective description for what could at once be both literal and metaphoric scenery. It is the narrator who is imprisoned here, and the narrator is apparently ‘hurt’ by the mentioning of the blood, and recovery seems more difficult away form the ‘light.’
I would like to point out now that I am noticing a trend in the authors writing. Due to my reading of previous poems, I find that she has a preference for misleading or deceptive beginnings, as for instance in this poem. For this is not a happy poem about beauty, a story centering around angels and what wonders they are apart of. This poem focuses upon the ugliness and pain of the world and what would become of someone after having been exiled from such splendid ranks. I like this trend, as I am vaguely aware that much of this poems may at one point or another be concerned with demons., ie. Fallen Angels whom I would imagine being both vengeful and sarcastic in their speech. Although, I am assuming much here.
The narrator then goes on to question the motives of the angels previously mentioned. The narrator associates the ideas of ‘salvation’ and ‘enlightenment’ with ‘foolishness’ and decides that it is selfishness that stands as the root to all this. The narrator has an increasingly negative view of the angels, a great change compared to what could have been assumed as admiration in the beginning can now be certainly be judged as sarcasm, or perhaps jealousy. The narrator goes on to relate how he/she was once part of their ranks, and while the narrator views much of the angelic way with disdain, the narrator has some doubt as to why when he/she was apart of them life seemed so ideal. Even such memories of a carefree past is turned sour with distrust as the narrator considers such feelings as tricker; “What spell did you cast?”
The innocence of the angels seems to have been the biggest cause of the narrators illusion of once liking the angels. And apparently, the narrator suffered from damnation before meeting the angels; “Was it your innocence that led me to believe? Believe that I was not cursed?”
Now the narrator decline’s into both accepting fate and using it as a means of self-pity, believing that they are ‘always’ apart of Hell, hated and feared forever. And yet, the narrator has one last nagging question for the angels, one that explodes with rage as it cannot understand why it’s hideous nature did not repulse the angels initially. This is the greatest cause of anger for the narrator because this person desperately wants a reason to blame others for it’s situation, and yet the one final bastion of truth that the angels never reviled the narrator is undeniable.
And finally, the narrator calms as he/she reflects that they were once happy, and then quickly excuses that away by saying it wasn’t searched for. But now the hurt of losing the once happy life seems to be the cause of the narrators suffering. And then, seemingly desiring mercy, the narrator desires that the angels return. And what could almost have been a moment of atonement and salvation, the narrator has one final shift of tone and mood as he/she says, “Return to me, so that I may kill you.”
This narrator seems to me to be a rather pitiful character, one that had always been so before meeting Angels and yet used them later on to explain the resurgence of greater sorrow. Obviously this is someone who cannot take control of their life well enough to understand that happiness comes from within, and even more importantly there must be reason and limit to blame others. And in this case, it seems that the narrators only reason to hate the Angels is to make up for his/her own loss of happiness.
I would have to say I like this poem, although I still do have the same belief that it does not follow the more rudimentary or ordered forms of other standard poetry. Now wasn’t that a disgusting sentence? Poetry should never be ‘standard’. I for one should know. However, my point in saying so here and previously is that because I feel that this poem, like those previously, does have good motivation. There is real characteristics in the narrators speech, I can identify the writer of the poem to myself, the reader, and that is the precious most thing a writer must achieve. I simply believe that in poetry, unlike certain other forms of writing, rhythms and rhyme schemes can be employed to invoke the beauty of sound, and thus enhance the message of the poem’ story.
Also, I think in the near future I may look more deeply into the world of Angel Sanctuary…
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